Blog Archive

Compliments

Sometimes I see a really great photo of someone, the wind is in their hair, the lighting perfect, stoic chin that matches their stoic nature, or beautiful smile that matches their charm… and say to myself, “That’s the one they’ll use at your funeral!” But I stop myself from telling them that, because they might […]

I’m F**kin’ Over It: Avocados

I can already hear your offense from a mile away. “But John! OMG AVOCADOS ARE AMAZING! CALIFORNIA BAJA FRESH EXTREME WRAPS!! CHIPS AND DIP! FACERUBS! ORGANIC FREE RANGE BUTTPLUGS! I get it. Avocados can be great. Taylor Swift is great, but people break up with her all the time. Sometimes it just ain’t working out. So […]

Semicolons Rising

“Hey Joe, you finishing up with that keyboard design?” “Hello, sir, yeah. I put all the letters in fucked up positions like you asked.” “Joe, I see you have a blank space here under the colon.” “Garsh, yeah sir. I ran out of punctuation.” “Ran out?” “Yeah.” Shrugs. “I used it all up. I was […]

Vikings! Vikings! Vikings! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Okay, John, settle down. It’s just a show about Vikings. Wait, it’s a show about Vikings? Actually that sounds amazing. Vikings! Yes! Fistpump! For being such celebrated/feared historical figures, Vikings sure haven’t found many ways to hack and slash their way into our TV and movie watching. That is why this show is so fun. […]

The Walking Dead: Let’s Stop Pretending This Show Is Any Good

The walking dead is a TV show. There are zombies. People run from them. These people are often dirty and mean to each other. This is my five-year-old self explaining to my present self how predictably one-note The Walking Dead has become. Was it mind-blowing in the beginning? Yes. It was that and so many […]

ABC’s “Galavant”: Is it hokey or a hoot?

ABC finally stopped producing the human centipede that is the TV show Once long enough to think of something fanciful and ridiculous that wasn’t also…just…effing ridiculous. Okay, you get it, I really think Once blows chunks. Galavant is a blend of camp and fantasy, the sort of thirty-miniute television experience where characters can be expected to break out into […]

What I’m Watching: The Nightly Show

Stephen Colbert’s departure from late night cable left a void so massive that it collapsed back in on itself, leaving only a black hole of sorts in its wake, smack dab in the time slot between The Daily Show and @Midnight on Comedy Central. Despite my spurious usage of physics terminology, you feel me here, […]

What I’m Watching: Backstrom

Good thing I decided to resurrect the old blog today, as my account was suspended for non-payment over at Godaddy. Almost lost all the content! Where would the world be without my interview with Tony Danza? Anyhow, I’m back at the keyboard, tryina keep it simple. I’m just gonna talk about what I normally like […]

Why I Wrote in the “Wrong” Genre

*The featured image isn’t the final cover So far in my writing endeavors, I’ve really connected with my inner comedian. Ok, we all know it’s a very outward comedian. But throwing out one liners on twitter and in Facebook messenger with my buddies is obviously not as much of an outlet as a whole book. […]

THE TRIAL OF POPE HANDSOME

In researching my historical thriller (in process), I’ve found a ton of great info, but some of it is bat shit crazy. If anyone ever accuses my story of being a little over the top, I just get to point to stuff like this and say, OOHHH REEEAALLY? I’M THE ONE WHO IS OVER THE […]